I am a female therapist working with a young woman in her 20’s. She has an opportunity for a promotion which would involve business travel a couple times a month, and would be a good career move for her. However, she is considering turning down the promotion because she helps her parents care for her grandmother who has many health problems. It’s hard for me to see my client sacrifice her professional success for this family obligation. How can I help her with this decision?
This is an example of the influence of cultural values in psychotherapy. You and your client are both female, but you may be different in other cultural identities such as age, ethnicity, social class, sexual identity, religious affiliation, and immigration status. Our values and our views of relationships are shaped by the combination of cultural factors that make up our identity, and these differences between you and your client lead you to different cultural values. The topic of cultural issues in psychotherapy is covered in Chapter 4 of my book.
It is important for you to recognize that you have formed an opinion about what is best for your client based on your values, but she is letting you know that she views her situation differently. Assuming that she needs to come around to your point of view interferes with the understanding that can develop when you are curious and interested in her perspective. Take time to encourage her to explore and reflect on the values she is expressing by pursuing a career and by caring for her grandmother so she can become more clear about the dilemma she is facing. As you are more open to considering her point of view, you will be able to empathize with her complex feelings and to support her making a decision in line with what is most meaningful to her.
Be aware that your client may be making assumptions about what is and isn’t acceptable to her family, and she may not have discussed her decision openly with her family. Our beliefs about ourselves and relationships are often internalized early in life and may not be fully within her awareness or part of recent family conversations. Once you have helped your client become aware of her values, you and she can examine them together to see the extent to which they inform her decision. It may also be useful for her to talk with others in her cultural community to see whether there is more diversity of opinion than she assumes or than she believes based on her individual experience in her family. Getting consultation, especially from someone who is familiar with your client’s cultural influences, will be helpful in managing your feelings as she arrives at her decision.
In addition to your client’s values, examine the practical issues that may influence her decision to take this promotion. The immigration status of her parents and grandmother, the family’s financial resources, and the presence of other support in the community are all factors that may make it more or less difficult for your client to prioritize her career, if that is what she wishes to do. It may take time for her to disclose some of these details to you, depending on the extent to which she holds cultural values that consider such matters as private, not to be shared outside the family.
This career decision may be the beginning of numerous situations your client will face and need to discuss in therapy. Whatever she decides about this promotion, continuing to talk with her about her cultural values will be helpful in her developmental progress. It is likely that she will face similar choices in the future as she navigates her career and family commitments. If you recognize your values and assumptions as culturally influenced and develop an authentic interest and curiosity in your client’s perspective, the therapy is likely to develop into a deeper and richer relationship. You have an opportunity to provide your client with the experience of empathy, understanding, and respect that will build her confidence in making this and future decisions.