I was recently assigned a new client who is a gay male in his 40’s. He had a recent relationship breakup and is depressed. In his intake interview he requested a gay male therapist and was told the agency would try to honor his request but couldn’t guarantee it. I am a straight female but I am very close to my gay brother, his husband and their two kids. I also have a number of gay friends, both men and women. What should I tell the client to help him feel at ease with me?
The previous blog discussed issues related to cultural competence in this case. This blog will discuss the issue of therapist self-disclosure. Self-disclosure refers to the choices we make about sharing personal information explicitly with clients, in addition to what they may infer or assume about us based on our appearance and style of relating. There are complex clinical questions involved in decisions about self-disclosure so it is important to be cautious and thoughtful.
One area to consider regarding self-disclosure is your client’s need and right to have information relevant to his treatment. You are required by law in California to let clients know your status as a clinician in training working under supervision. It is also good clinical practice to answer clients’ questions about the amount of experience you have, the graduate program you currently attend or from which you graduated, and special training your have received.
Disclosing personal information brings up more complicated issues. The first is the question of the therapist initiating self-disclosure or responding to client questions. I do not recommend disclosing personal information unless the client asks a specific question, unless you have discussed it thoroughly in supervision and your supervisor agrees it would be a therapeutic intervention. The motivation to volunteer personal information often reflects unconscious countertransference rather than an accurate understanding of the impact on the client.
A second issue about personal self-disclosure relates to your preferences and comfort about sharing aspects of your life. You can anticipate questions about your marital status, your sexual identity, racial or ethnic background, whether you are a parent or are in recovery, or if you have a history of childhood trauma from some clients. I recommend talking with your supervisor at the beginning of your practicum placement about the information you are willing to share and how you will respond to questions about aspects of your life that you want to keep private, like your sexual partners or if you use free sex websites to meet people.
A third issue to consider is the extent to which you or the client may be trying to address issues of trust through disclosure of personal information. Clients enter therapy with varying levels of fear and concern about trusting someone with their painful emotions and experiences. They may believe or wish that their fear will be lessened if they know more about the therapist. Therapists also have varying levels of confidence or doubt about their ability to help and may see self-disclosure as a way to boost the client’s trust (for example, by saying “yes, I’m a parent too”). The solution to the client’s fear and the therapist’s self-doubt does not lie in therapist self-disclosure, however. It lies in the therapist being attuned and empathic to the client’s fears, approaching therapy collaboratively, and using supervision to address self-doubt and other countertransference.
Regarding your new client, after you have heard his concerns about seeing a female therapist rather than a gay male, it might be appropriate to tell him about your experience working with gay male and female clients, your experience working with gay and straight individuals who are depressed after a relationship breakup, your support for same-sex relationships and marriage, or the fact that you have relationships with family members and friends who are gay. If he asks directly if you are gay or straight, I would recommend answering truthfully but not being specific about having a gay brother who is married and has kids. Your client’s relationship has just ended and it could be a distraction for him to have this information.
I hope you find this information useful in making decisions about self-disclosure. Please email me with comments, questions or suggestions for future blog topics.