I just completed my first session with a 21-year-old Latina who is a first generation American. She seems to rely too heavily on the opinions of her parents and other older members of her family in making decisions about her career and dating life. She said she wants to feel less anxious, and I think that will only happen if she becomes more independent of her family. How shall I talk with her about this?

Before talking with your client about her goals, I would suggest doing some exploration of your views and how they differ from your client’s. This situation highlights the impact of cultural values on treatment goals, and it is important that we examine our values and assumptions before recommending a treatment approach.

The first step in this situation is to recognize that you have developed an agenda that is different from your client’s. Any time this happens, you need to pause, examine the discrepancy, and work to understand your client’s perspective on what is best for her. In this case, you seem to have made some assumptions about your client’s relationship with her elders that will interfere with the therapeutic alliance. Her alliance with your depends on experiencing your respect and support for her in working toward her priorities. Over the course of time, your client may come to desire greater independence from her elders, but your task at the beginning of treatment is to join with her in working toward reducing her anxiety. Otherwise, she may feel undermined in defining what she needs.

The second issue to recognize is the extent to which values and beliefs about developmental goals and relationships are embedded in a cultural context. Your view that independence from parents and other family members is a desirable goal for young adults is no doubt consistent with the values of your cultural community, but your client comes from a cultural community that values interdependence and respect for elders. Talking with your supervisor and other colleagues about these cultural differences will help you to identify the strengths and benefits of your client’s values rather than assuming that she should come to share yours.

Another more complex issue to consider is the extent to which your response to your client may reflect her own conflict about her family relationships. It is helpful to reflect on your countertransference feelings and to talk about them in supervision. If you usually find it easy to join with your client’s agenda, it is possible that your strong opinion about this client’s need for independence represents your resonance with a part of herself that she is reluctant to articulate. If this seems plausible, you can support your client to recognize and sort through the complicated nature of her feelings toward her parents and other family members. This will work in her best interest if you can express an attitude of curiosity rather than judgment and if you help her identify and honor the mixture of different feelings she holds.

I hope you find this helpful in working with clients whose initial treatment goals are different from yours. Please email me with comments, questions, or suggestions for future blog topics.